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Completed: 10:55 PM 17/3/2010
  • Tuesday, July 29, 2008
    • Goodbye Grandma.

    Received news in the morning, that my grandma passed away.
    yeah, pretty sad. was emo-ing while bathing, don't know whether did i teared a not cause i was bathing.
    pretended that nothing happened hahaaaaaaaaa. hide behind a mask that i could hid away all my feelings. never mind its not very uncommon now that this month i had been hiding a lot of my feelings from others lala.
    took away all signs of sadness, went to school treated everything as normal, took my tests while having this super strong emotional pain.
    history & lit was okay. just hope i dont screw them up. a B3 would be very good for me.
    Freaking Mr Ang. Some secret admirer take away my paper not my fault right fag. make me donovan junhao & chih hsuan stand outside burn along with the sunlight. i already very sian-ed diao & devastated already, still freaking come kb me.

    training was okay. brighter note, i released my inhibitions, just train train train. i thundered twice today, one on c div net, one on a net little bit higher than b div. pretty glad, hope that my performance can maintain, or get better. i think i somehow got it already, i needa try out during other trainings to confirm the usefulness.

    - you can don't read from here anymore. my PERSONAL diary thanks.

    ever remembered that going to my grandma's house was always such a joy & it will always be a happy event, never thought that in a few days time, i would be going back there again. but to send her off on her final journey ):
    whenever i went there, it would be during holidays or new year or her birthday, or just visiting for fun :)

    Grandma has been a very impactful person in our family, being the oldest in the family & mother of 7 siblings including my mum, we've always made it a point to go back for her birthdays to celebrate it with her, or go back during new year to give them our blessings, greetings & liven up the house.

    I wonder how will the day on her birthday & the new year's be spent now. without her to unite my mother & her siblings & everyone in the family. Hope that the family will still be as lively & happy as ever without her. An old lady in her 80s, living to such ripe old age, she shouldnt be having any regrets i hope.

    I think, that Grandma didn't really hmm, love me as compared to her other grandchildren, but i'm still fine with it. even a small pad on the back will deal lotsa effect on me already. sometimes seeing her smiling & being so joyful in such radiance in the past, had always been a plus point in my mood. i love to see people smile, laugh. i just dont know why, but i think everyone does right, who wants a friend who never smiles, just frown whole day, that would be real emo & sad. haha i love people who smile & laugh luh. :)

    I miss you like crazy grandma, the family wont be the same without you anymore. i wonder for now, who would have the " highest " authority in the family now. bet there would be much changes to everything. haah life still goes on without her. my dear beloved grandma. everyone was born to live & die. guess i'll just have to treat things calmly & smoothly, hoping that everyday would be brighter, & may she bless her in heaven.

    Rest In Peace Grandma.
    Loves, Grandson.

    - back to my blog.
    hmm. so well thats the reason why i may seem a bitttt sad & everything negative today.
    hurhur. anw, thats also the reason why i cant attend training & sending off of Team Singapore to Beijing & Inspiration run. Sorry teammates, yall MIGHT have to miss this saturday's friendly without me, but nevermind. there's still wayne. if he comes then everything is settled.

    why just nice everyday fall on this weekend, next week still have geog & physics tests. sad sad.


    _______________________________________________________________

    Ima wo kowashite shimaitai
    Ima ni sugaritsuite itai
    Jibun no koto wa wakaranai

    Yarinaoseru hazu nai yo
    Shiranai machi ni kakurete mitemo
    Mado goshi ni tada ima wo omou

    Nigedashitai shoudou kara
    Nigedasu made no koujitsu ni mayou

    Chigireta kioku wo tadoreba
    Ano koro ni datte modoreru
    Itsuka no shounen mitai ni

    Kanaeru tame umarete kita no
    Osanaki hibi ni egaita uchuu
    I'm a baby nakitaku mo naru
    Te ni ireru tame no
    Itami nara so good

    Ikiru koto ga tatakai nara
    Kachimake mo shikata ga nai koto
    Sonna koto kurai wakatte iru yo

    Nakidashitai shougeki kara
    Hashiridashita asu e to kodou ga sawagu

    Massugu ni ikite yukitai
    Tada massugu ni ikite itai
    Ano hi no shounen mitai ni

    Dareka no kotoba ni tsumazukitakunai
    Madowasaretakunai...

    Ashita mo kitto kagayaite iru
    Osanaki hibi ni modoranakute ii
    Tomorrow's way of my life kowagari dakedo
    Hikikaesenai michi ni tatteru

    ________________________________________


    I want to destroy the moment
    I want to cling to the moment
    I don’t understand myself

    Of course I can’t do it over
    Even when I try to hide in an unfamiliar town
    I just think about the present going on outside my window

    I want to run away from my impulses
    But before I can, my excuses get in the way

    If I follow my shattered memories
    I can even go back to that time
    Like a boy one day

    I was born to live up to
    The universe I imagined as a child
    I'm a baby, I want to cry
    The pain it takes to get it
    Is so good

    If life is a battle
    Then we can’t help whether we win or lose
    That much I know

    My heart is pounding out of control from running towards tomorrow
    From the shock that made me want to cry

    I want to live a straight life
    I just want to live a straight life
    Like that boy that day

    I don’t want to stumble over someone’s words
    I don’t want to be led astray…

    Tomorrow, too, will surely sparkle
    It doesn’t matter if I can’t go back to my childhood days
    I’m scared of tomorrow’s way of my life
    But I’m standing in a path I can’t go back down


    fcuk. this stupid emotional torture & roller coaster ride along july is crazy.
    i dont give a damn about ripcurl anymore, not about anything else except family studies & volleyball.




    Once again. Rest In Peace Grandma. Good bye.

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