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Completed: 10:55 PM 17/3/2010
  • Sunday, August 3, 2008
    • no more happy new years ):

    guess thats really the end of our family huh.
    went back on friday, the ritual was 6pm-1am. it was horrible. super emotional. almost the whole kampong came to visit. ):
    very tired & exhausted after that. wasn't in the mood for anything.

    anw, i saw my long lost friend. if i am not wrong, i had lost contact with her for 7 years already. never did i thought that we would meet again, on our ah-ma's funeral some more. i dont know was it supposed to be joyful or not. she changed soooooooo much, totally forgot about her, didn't even recognize her luh. haha guess life's like that huh. at the first day we didnt talk much, not at all if i am not wrong. second day it got much better. started to talk & take care of each other haha. but, it lasted a few hours, then i'm back in this stressful place in singapore. to study. to work hard.

    ahah that girl, haiii, has a super similar face to yiyuan, so whenever i talk to yiyuan, kept reminding me of her luh ): wonder is there any chance for us to back when we were last time, such close friends together, having fun together, etc. when i first saw her, i totally didn't recognize her until my pa told me who she was. i guess we can't keep in contact with each other anymore, unless. i dont even wanna think of when we'll meet again, cause it will definitely be some bad day. haiiiiiiiii. i know she wont see this, for sure, but i will miss her.
    i'm losing a long lost friend, again. life is crap. so unfair.

    anw, i think maybe the pressure will be greater on her, her parents divorced, but she seems to be on good terms with her step mother. 14 year gap between her & her brother. she's15. wonder how she's gonna take all this. haha.

    anw, ah ma was buried today. 2/8/08. she's 87. lived a ripe old age. she looked so different from her normal self in the coffin, freaked me out, mixed feelings when i saw her in the coffin, has this super emo feeling yet i didn't wanna cry it out.
    burnt lotsa " stuffs " for her yesterday, sent her off for her last journey today. may she rest in peace.

    this family will never ever, be the same again. there wont be this formality to go back for new year anymore, no more " 有没有叫阿妈? " kinda stuffs anymore. things will change, a lot. changes are always challenged. will this family still be as one, together? how will we cope with this, loss of mother, grandmother, great grandmother. time will show. i really hope & wish, that we will still have new years like before, but this will never come true. no more gatherings, no more steamboat, no more ang pows, no more ahma, no more ahma's birthday, even things we call must change, eg, ah mas house. wonder when will i ever go back to that house ( ah ma's house ) again, to visit everyone or what. will the new year will just be so lonely with our direct family only? there might be ONE day where we will gather together again, which is today. ahma's burial.

    august will be a tough month for me surely, the start of it is already so painful.

    gonna sleep well tonight, have to face the challenges ahead of me.
    - is project
    - physics test
    - geog test
    - volleyball
    - studies
    - msg
    - pain.

    how much i hate to lose my loved ones & pretend everything's alright.

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