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Hello Tian Jie, & Jun Yi!
This post is dedicated to both of you for sparking this something in me that I have to post, & to all other lovebirds out there.
“What about love?”
“Overrated. Biochemically no different than eating large quantities of chocolate.”
—Al Pacino (The Devil’s Advocate)
[Anyway I love(not love define in this blogpost) this dude everyone should go watch Scent of a Woman! Mind. Mind blowing.]
Have you ever dreamed of the perfect partner, the ultimate romantic love in the perfect relationship? A partner who is your missing part, the one that fulfills you (whichever way you wanna think of it) & makes you complete? Who’s been waiting their whole life just to meet you, & by your bond, a door in heaven opens for you?
Welcome to the club. You are not alone.
The Concept Of “The One”
Since I was little, I believed in the concept of finding “the one”.
I knew exactly how this whole thing was going to play out: I would accidentally run into a beautiful, gorgeous & charming girl one fine day, look into her face & realize immediately that we were meant for each other. She would be “the one”. The following life together would then be one of fulfillment & eternal love.
Heaven on earth is:
1. Peace of the World?
2. Happy & Contented Family?
3. Women - true love?
—Al Pacino (The Devil’s Advocate)
[Anyway I love(not love define in this blogpost) this dude everyone should go watch Scent of a Woman! Mind. Mind blowing.]
Have you ever dreamed of the perfect partner, the ultimate romantic love in the perfect relationship? A partner who is your missing part, the one that fulfills you (whichever way you wanna think of it) & makes you complete? Who’s been waiting their whole life just to meet you, & by your bond, a door in heaven opens for you?
Welcome to the club. You are not alone.
The Concept Of “The One”
Since I was little, I believed in the concept of finding “the one”.
I knew exactly how this whole thing was going to play out: I would accidentally run into a beautiful, gorgeous & charming girl one fine day, look into her face & realize immediately that we were meant for each other. She would be “the one”. The following life together would then be one of fulfillment & eternal love.
Heaven on earth is:
1. Peace of the World?
2. Happy & Contented Family?
3. Women - true love?
4. M$N$Y? (If you're m$n$y-minded enough you'll be able to know what it means.)
5. Fame?
5. Fame?
I categorized it accordingly to my preferences.
“Women! What could you say? Who made 'em? God must have been a fuckin' genius. The hair... they say the hair is everything, you know. Have you ever buried your nose in a mountain of curls... just wanted to go to sleep forever? Or lips... and when they touched, yours were like... that first swallow of wine... after you just crossed the desert. Tits. Hoo-ah! Big ones, little ones, nipples staring right out at ya, like secret searchlights. Mmm. Legs. I don't care if they're Greek columns... or secondhand Steinways. What's between 'em... passport to heaven. I need a drink. Yes, Mr Sims, there's only two syllables in this whole wide world worth hearing: pussy. Hah! Are you listenin' to me, son? I'm givin' ya pearls here.” – Al Pacino (Scent of a Woman)
Okay don’t mind the crudeness of the above quote. Kinda humorous I thought.
Anyway, please take a look at the following little story from the ancient Greek about the origins of true love which I read long longgggggggggggggggggggg time ago:
The Origin of Love
“Women! What could you say? Who made 'em? God must have been a fuckin' genius. The hair... they say the hair is everything, you know. Have you ever buried your nose in a mountain of curls... just wanted to go to sleep forever? Or lips... and when they touched, yours were like... that first swallow of wine... after you just crossed the desert. Tits. Hoo-ah! Big ones, little ones, nipples staring right out at ya, like secret searchlights. Mmm. Legs. I don't care if they're Greek columns... or secondhand Steinways. What's between 'em... passport to heaven. I need a drink. Yes, Mr Sims, there's only two syllables in this whole wide world worth hearing: pussy. Hah! Are you listenin' to me, son? I'm givin' ya pearls here.” – Al Pacino (Scent of a Woman)
Okay don’t mind the crudeness of the above quote. Kinda humorous I thought.
Anyway, please take a look at the following little story from the ancient Greek about the origins of true love which I read long longgggggggggggggggggggg time ago:
The Origin of Love
There was Aristophanes’ Androgyny, Plato’s anecdote on the origins of love & mankind. The story recounts the primordial androgyny, mythical creatures with four arms, four legs & two heads. They epitomized completeness & were able to do almost anything. However, their pride in their abilities angered the gods & caused Zeus to cut them. Separated in two, they were destined to drift alone, empty & incomplete, longing for their former halves. For Plato, the androgyny is the symbol of wholeness, & the pursuit of it, is what love is.
Isn’t this beautiful? This story always fascinated me.
The problem here was that I took the whole thing too much to heart. I was looking for my missing half.
Did it worked out that way for me? Do I still believe in it, & does it have to be a bad thing doing so?
I will tell you in a minute.
First, I have a question for you: what do YOU think is the definition of true love, & is there such thing as “the one”?
Not so easy to answer, is it?
There is a scientific categorization from a renowned sociologist about the six types of love.
According to John Lee, there are six different types we can distinguish.
Six Types Of Love
1. The sexual love called “Eros”
The focus here is a sexual one where looks are more important than anything else. It is based on aesthetic enjoyment.
2. The love of the players called “Ludis”
These people tend to change partners frequently & are never attached to anyone. They like the game & the conquest.
3. The companionate love, the “Storge”
The warm & affectionate love you feel for a sibling or a best friend.
4. The obsessive love, the “Mania”
It’s an extreme form of love where the lover possesses the other completely & wants their partner’s attention constantly. This is usually driven by low self-esteem.
5. The personality love called “Pragma”
This type of love is realistic, the lovers are looking for a match referring to personality & values.
6. The altruistic love, the “Agape”
Unselfish as it is, it accepts people as who they are & does not try to change them without asking anything in return.
By looking at the list, you can easily assign what types of love you have felt in the past. Let me take a wild guess: Was it one of the first four?
As you can see, the “Agape” is considered as the ideal love, compassionate, egoless & self-giving. If you are experiencing this type of love, then you will ask nothing in return from your partner.
Think about it – in order to experience this kind of true love, you have to be at peace with the world & yourself & this is ONLY possible IF you love yourself in the same unconditional way. If you do NOT, then you are taking advantage of your partner to upvalue yourself.
In other words, if you are unhappy from within, then you need your partner desperately to feel valuable & happy. This is not true love. This would be “Mania”, & it often leads to extreme suffering when the partnership ends.
The warm & affectionate love you feel for a sibling or a best friend.
4. The obsessive love, the “Mania”
It’s an extreme form of love where the lover possesses the other completely & wants their partner’s attention constantly. This is usually driven by low self-esteem.
5. The personality love called “Pragma”
This type of love is realistic, the lovers are looking for a match referring to personality & values.
6. The altruistic love, the “Agape”
Unselfish as it is, it accepts people as who they are & does not try to change them without asking anything in return.
By looking at the list, you can easily assign what types of love you have felt in the past. Let me take a wild guess: Was it one of the first four?
As you can see, the “Agape” is considered as the ideal love, compassionate, egoless & self-giving. If you are experiencing this type of love, then you will ask nothing in return from your partner.
Think about it – in order to experience this kind of true love, you have to be at peace with the world & yourself & this is ONLY possible IF you love yourself in the same unconditional way. If you do NOT, then you are taking advantage of your partner to upvalue yourself.
In other words, if you are unhappy from within, then you need your partner desperately to feel valuable & happy. This is not true love. This would be “Mania”, & it often leads to extreme suffering when the partnership ends.
Let us go on to my definition of True Love.
The definition of true love therefore – if you consider true as “real” & “honest” without self-interest – is altruistic giving & unconditional acceptance.
But let’s be real, how many people in the world can truly say that they are experiencing such pure love? Hardly any within those couples we see nowadays. Honestly, this sounds more like a philosophical kind of love to me, which most people will aspire to achieve their whole lives. This is the kind of love Jesus, Buddha, & Gandhi practiced & taught.
In a nutshell: I’ve developed a realistic, not glorified view, of love & relationships, which helped me tremendously to concentrate on what I really want & what I don’t. The definition of true love for me, is simply loving yourself & thereby giving love without asking anything in return.
Is there “the one”?
Honestly, I don’t think there is such thing as “the one”, I think there are “many”.
A relationship is good if both are compatible & willing to make an effort to make it work. This takes experience, inner balance & daily commitment.
The concept of “the one” will not be of use, especially if the relationship should end one day.
Hopefully, the takeaway message from this blogpost, therefore, would be the following:
Abandon a glorified, unrealistic view of “true love” & “the one”, which love songs (Pop culture?), poems, & chick flicks are propagating. Especially when you suffer from a break up or divorce, you need a realistic view of your former relationship, & a down-to-earth outlook towards future ones. The mindset that true love is something that starts within you, & that is something on which both have to work at constantly, will help you to find the kind of relationship your are looking for.
I sincerely hope this has helped you to find a fulfilling relationship where both partners can thrive without restraining each other. I’m not saying that love is not important in a relationship, it definitely is. But we must constantly be aware of what our motives are, is it selfish or unselfish?
Only by knowing that we can aspire to the highest, purest form of true love.
I love You :)
The course of true love never did run smooth. ~ William Shakespeare in A Midsummer Night's Dream (I, i, 134)
at 1:48 AM
Rue
While I was on my way back to boarding school today, I met Dr. Wang & his wife. It was a pleasant coincidence since I finished my BSP lesson with him around hours ago. & to all those dudes who think I’m playing SSB. NOOOOOOOOOOOO I’m doing my BSP research paper version 8 (complete!)
It was to my pleasure that Dr. Wang initiated a chat with me. As our conversation went on, he suddenly started to compliment me about Chinese. He praised me for being able to delivery my points in Chinese aptly, & my content are always appropriate and deep, however I did not perform well for my recent common test. He said I wrote out of point – long story, & my compo(s) are currently being reviewed by the Dean of Chinese. He encouraged me that I could have done better & gave me some pointers on how to write relevantly in tune to the title.
Despite Dr. Wang may not be the finest Chinese teacher in the world, although he MAY not be the most well versed in the Chinese language in the world, while he does not have the most effective style of teaching. But definitely, he IS one of the greatest teachers of my life, without a doubt, undoubtedly.
I love Dr. Wang for always being so nice to everything, for his ever-loving father spirit. I love it that he always tries his best to help others, sacrificing his health, time and everything to teach us. He always endures us for all of our shit – not paying attention in class, sleeping, playing games, skipping lesson, being late, late submission of compos, & this list is inexhaustible, I only stopped in consideration that I have to go pack my room & do my laundry urgently. I’m truly indebted to him for all he has done for us, me to improve our Chinese.
I must, get an A1 for Higher Chinese End of Years & O levels. Must. This is the least I can do to repay Dr. Wang for his benevolence.
“One can pay back the loan of gold, but one dies forever in debt to those who are kind.”
Thank you Dr. Wang. Love.
"To teach is to touch the heart and impel it to action." ~ Louis Sullivan
at 10:44 PM
Subaudition
Holidays have been rather great, but that’s only because I’ve been enjoying myself and playing nonstop, kinda. Everyday DotA, Naruto, Sleep. But still, I’m enjoying life and that’s all that matters hahahaha.
I’m damn addicted to naruto shipppuden now, it’s super duper hyper cyber ultra very very nice. If any of you out there love animes, you should just indulge in naruto. I guarantee you no rues after watching it. My favourite character now is Pain woohoo. He’s the coolest dude man.
"We are but men, drawn to act in the name of revenge we deem to be "justice". But when we call our vengeance "justice", it only breeds more revenge ... forging the first link in the chains of hatred."
Okay anyway back to updates on my life in school. I got A2 for phy6 test, again, Again, AGAIN, & A-G-A-I-N!!!!!!!! It’s alright, it’s okay, and I shall get A1 during EOYS! (Even though Mr Tieu is setting it again)
Away from studies, I realized I really like songs by Melee & Goo Goo Dolls. I think their recent albums are extremely nice! It is extremely meaningful too. Everyone please go listen to their songs! :)
Okk I dunno why, I’m suddenly not in the mood to blog anymore. Gotta go study since yanperng is here, I shall help him ace his exams, & mine too! Study hard to eoys everybadi.
There is only one thing infamous in love, and that is a falsehood. ~ Paul Bourget
Suddenly, I’m feeling your hearttear tianjie. Aw.
at 9:53 PM
Incunabulum
There was a friendly with Singapore American School a few days back. It was goooooooood. It helped me get a bit of my form back. I need to start bending VERY LOW, and perfect my first balls. I don’t understand why my first balls always screw up when I’m playing with the A division. Is it the psychological barrier that I think I am not fit to be libero? Is it my reluctance to play libero due to the desire to jump & spike? I need to sort this out soon, if not I’ll still continue to be average or suck at libero-ing.
So today is the start of September Holidays.
Yesterday was the last day of Term3, which I screwed up my SPA quite badly.
However cliché this may seem, but time really passes so damn fast, I wish it would slow down.
4 more weeks and it is our EOYS, 7 more weeks and its graduation.
Anyway I got back my results for Term3.
English: A2
Math: A1
Physics: A2
Chem: A1
BSP: A1
IHE: A1
IHC: CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC666666666666666666666.
Term MSG: 2.00
SCREW IT THIS IS THE 3RD TIME I HAVENT BROKE MY PB OF 2.00 WTH.
This leaves me with ONE LAST term/exam in school to get 1.something.
I want to beek in the beach.
I want to gormandize good food.
I’m in the mood for shenanigan hehehe.
Pardon me for my anacoluthia in this entry, the fact that a reasonable and sensible EOY MSG for me is 2.5, is too foudroyant.
ARRRGHGHGHGHGHGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH damn this sucks.
I want need my 1.5.
I need to really study hardcore for EOYs.
I just need the stupid 1.5 to get my OSA award. Cm’on man I wanna leave Hc with a nice academic award.
I go play dota first then I shall start doing math.
K wait I watch Naruto shippuden & eat my magnum first first:)
Live, and be happy, and make others so. ~ Mary Shelley
at 9:55 PM