“Overrated. Biochemically no different than eating large quantities of chocolate.”
—Al Pacino (The Devil’s Advocate)
[Anyway I love(not love define in this blogpost) this dude everyone should go watch Scent of a Woman! Mind. Mind blowing.]

Have you ever dreamed of the perfect partner, the ultimate romantic love in the perfect relationship? A partner who is your missing part, the one that fulfills you (whichever way you wanna think of it) & makes you complete? Who’s been waiting their whole life just to meet you, & by your bond, a door in heaven opens for you?

Welcome to the club. You are not alone.

The Concept Of “The One”

Since I was little, I believed in the concept of finding “the one”.

I knew exactly how this whole thing was going to play out: I would accidentally run into a beautiful, gorgeous & charming girl one fine day, look into her face & realize immediately that we were meant for each other. She would be “the one”. The following life together would then be one of fulfillment & eternal love.

Heaven on earth is:
1. Peace of the World?
2. Happy & Contented Family?
3. Women - true love?

4. M$N$Y? (If you're m$n$y-minded enough you'll be able to know what it means.)
5. Fame?

I categorized it accordingly to my preferences.

“Women! What could you say? Who made 'em? God must have been a fuckin' genius. The hair... they say the hair is everything, you know. Have you ever buried your nose in a mountain of curls... just wanted to go to sleep forever? Or lips... and when they touched, yours were like... that first swallow of wine... after you just crossed the desert. Tits. Hoo-ah! Big ones, little ones, nipples staring right out at ya, like secret searchlights. Mmm. Legs. I don't care if they're Greek columns... or secondhand Steinways. What's between 'em... passport to heaven. I need a drink. Yes, Mr Sims, there's only two syllables in this whole wide world worth hearing: pussy. Hah! Are you listenin' to me, son? I'm givin' ya pearls here.” – Al Pacino (Scent of a Woman)

Okay don’t mind the crudeness of the above quote. Kinda humorous I thought.

Anyway, please take a look at the following little story from the ancient Greek about the origins of true love which I read long longgggggggggggggggggggg time ago:

The Origin of Love

There was Aristophanes’ Androgyny, Plato’s anecdote on the origins of love & mankind. The story recounts the primordial androgyny, mythical creatures with four arms, four legs & two heads. They epitomized completeness & were able to do almost anything. However, their pride in their abilities angered the gods & caused Zeus to cut them. Separated in two, they were destined to drift alone, empty & incomplete, longing for their former halves. For Plato, the androgyny is the symbol of wholeness, & the pursuit of it, is what love is.

Isn’t this beautiful? This story always fascinated me.

The problem here was that I took the whole thing too much to heart. I was looking for my missing half.

Did it worked out that way for me? Do I still believe in it, & does it have to be a bad thing doing so?

I will tell you in a minute.

First, I have a question for you: what do YOU think is the definition of true love, & is there such thing as “the one”?

Not so easy to answer, is it?

There is a scientific categorization from a renowned sociologist about the six types of love.

According to John Lee, there are six different types we can distinguish.

Six Types Of Love

1. The sexual love called “Eros”
The focus here is a sexual one where looks are more important than anything else. It is based on aesthetic enjoyment.

2. The love of the players called “Ludis”
These people tend to change partners frequently & are never attached to anyone. They like the game & the conquest.

3. The companionate love, the “Storge”
The warm & affectionate love you feel for a sibling or a best friend.

4. The obsessive love, the “Mania”
It’s an extreme form of love where the lover possesses the other completely & wants their partner’s attention constantly. This is usually driven by low self-esteem.

5. The personality love called “Pragma”
This type of love is realistic, the lovers are looking for a match referring to personality & values.

6. The altruistic love, the “Agape”
Unselfish as it is, it accepts people as who they are & does not try to change them without asking anything in return.

By looking at the list, you can easily assign what types of love you have felt in the past. Let me take a wild guess: Was it one of the first four?

As you can see, the “Agape” is considered as the ideal love, compassionate, egoless & self-giving. If you are experiencing this type of love, then you will ask nothing in return from your partner.

Think about it – in order to experience this kind of true love, you have to be at peace with the world & yourself & this is ONLY possible IF you love yourself in the same unconditional way. If you do NOT, then you are taking advantage of your partner to upvalue yourself.

In other words, if you are unhappy from within, then you need your partner desperately to feel valuable & happy. This is not true love. This would be “Mania”, & it often leads to extreme suffering when the partnership ends.

Let us go on to my definition of True Love.

The definition of true love therefore – if you consider true as “real” & “honest” without self-interest – is altruistic giving & unconditional acceptance.

But let’s be real, how many people in the world can truly say that they are experiencing such pure love? Hardly any within those couples we see nowadays. Honestly, this sounds more like a philosophical kind of love to me, which most people will aspire to achieve their whole lives. This is the kind of love Jesus, Buddha, & Gandhi practiced & taught.

In a nutshell: I’ve developed a realistic, not glorified view, of love & relationships, which helped me tremendously to concentrate on what I really want & what I don’t. The definition of true love for me, is simply loving yourself & thereby giving love without asking anything in return.

Is there “the one”?

Honestly, I don’t think there is such thing as “the one”, I think there are “many”.
A relationship is good if both are compatible & willing to make an effort to make it work. This takes experience, inner balance & daily commitment.

The concept of “the one” will not be of use, especially if the relationship should end one day.

Hopefully, the takeaway message from this blogpost, therefore, would be the following:

Abandon a glorified, unrealistic view of “true love” & “the one”, which love songs (Pop culture?), poems, & chick flicks are propagating. Especially when you suffer from a break up or divorce, you need a realistic view of your former relationship, & a down-to-earth outlook towards future ones. The mindset that true love is something that starts within you, & that is something on which both have to work at constantly, will help you to find the kind of relationship your are looking for.

I sincerely hope this has helped you to find a fulfilling relationship where both partners can thrive without restraining each other. I’m not saying that love is not important in a relationship, it definitely is. But we must constantly be aware of what our motives are, is it selfish or unselfish?

Only by knowing that we can aspire to the highest, purest form of true love.

I love You :)



The course of true love never did run smooth. ~ William Shakespeare in A Midsummer Night's Dream (I, i, 134)